Self esteem is every child’s passport to lifetime happiness After all, a feeling of self-worth lays the foundation of our child’s future, as he sets out to try new things on his own. “Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we’re capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile.
Sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don’t. What we are really trying to teach our kids are life skills and throughout life our child will be exposed to positive influences builders and negative influences breakers. We can expose our child to more builders and help him work through the breakers.
As a parent our goal is to ensure that our child develops pride and self-respect — in himself and in his cultural roots — as well as faith in his ability to handle life’s challenges.
Here are simple strategies to help boost your child’s self-esteem:
1. Give unconditional love. A child’s self-esteem flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that says, “I love you, no matter who you are or what you do.” Your child benefits the most when you accept him for who he is regardless of his strengths, difficulties, temperament, or abilities. So lavish him with love.
Give him plenty of cuddles and kisses. And don’t forget to tell him how much you love him.
When you do have to correct your child, make it clear that it’s his behavior — not him — that’s unacceptable.
Put yourself in the place of your kid when you are showered with praises and compliment and it felt like a queen .The kids who grow up with positive style of parenting develop self esteem and he likes what he feels.
Getting to know your child and seeing things from his point of view will help you help him learn to trust himself.
2. Pay attention& Listen well Carve out time to give your child your undivided attention. He needs to know that his thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions matter. That does wonders for your child’s self-worth because it sends the message that you think he’s important and valuable. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time; it just means taking a moment to stop flicking through the mail if she’s trying to talk with you or turning off the TV long enough to answer a question. Make eye contact, so it’s clear that you’re really listening to what he’s saying.
When you’re strapped for time, let your child know it without ignoring him needs. Say, “Tell me all about the picture you drew, and then when you’re finished, I’ll need to make our dinner.”
If you share your own feelings , he’ll gain confidence in expressing his own. In normal development a child moves out from the known into the unknown. .
3. HomeBase is normal Being shy does not mean that a child has a poor self-image. He needs an extra dose of confidence so that he can follow his own inner timetable in adjusting to new situations and relationships. Parents often wonder what degree of clinging to homebase is normal.
Look at the problem over the course of an entire year. If you see no change in the child’s willingness to venture out, that may be unhealthy.
But if you see some gradual moving out, then your child is simply a cautious social developer, which is characteristic of sensitive children, who may form a few meaningful and deep relationships, rather than numerous superficial ones.
4. Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable rules. For instance, if you tell your child he has to eat his snack in the kitchen, don’t let him wander around the family room with his crackers and fruit the next day.
Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone will help him feel more secure. It may take constant repetition on your part, but he’ll start to live by your expectations soon enough.
Just be clear and consistent and show him that you trust him and expect him to do the right thing.
5. Offer choices- A good rule of thumb: Let your child choose between two possibilities, since at this age too many options can be overwhelming. For instance, ask him whether he wants to paint or draw, or whether he wants oatmeal or cold cereal for breakfast.
He’ll gain confidence with each opportunity to make a decision. Letting him know that you have faith in his judgment increases your child’s sense of self-worth.
6. Support healthy risks Encourage your child to explore something new, such as trying a different food, finding a best pal, or going down the slide. Though there’s always the possibility of failure, without risk there’s little opportunity for success. So let your child experiment safely, and resist the urge to intervene. For instance, try not to “rescue” her if she’s showing mild frustration at figuring out a new toy. Even jumping in to say, “I’ll do it” can foster dependence and diminish your child’s confidence.
You’ll build her self-esteem by balancing your need to protect him with his need to tackle new tasks.
7. Let mistakes happen- The flip side, of course, of having choices and taking risks is that sometimes your child is bound to make mistakes. These are valuable lessons for your child’s confidence. So go ahead and let him wear the jacket he insists on wearing even if it’s damn hot outside. When he starts complaining that he’s too hot, stifle your urge to say, “I told you so.” Just whip out his favorite shorts and T-shirt and say something like, “How about wearing this since it’s so warm?”
That way his self-esteem won’t sag and he’ll understand that it’s okay to make mistakes sometimes.
Acknowledging and recovering from your mistakes sends a powerful message to your child — it makes it easier for your child to accept his own shortcomings.
8. Celebrate the positive. It’s sometimes too easy to tally up all the things a child does wrong, but everyone responds well to encouragement, so make an effort to acknowledge the good things your child does every day within his earshot.
Much of a child’s self-image comes not only from what the child perceives about himself, but from how he thinks others perceive him.
This is especially true of preschoolers who learn about themselves from their parents’ reactions. Do you reflect positive or negative images to your child? Do you give her the idea that he’s fun to be with? That his opinions and desires matter to you? That his behavior pleases you?
When you give your child positive reflections, he learns to think well of himself. He will also willingly rely on you to tell him when his behavior is not pleasing. This becomes a discipline tool. All I have to do is look at him a certain way, and he stops misbehaving.
Maturity develops through years of learning how to stay calm in difficult situations. A child with unbridled emotions becomes a brat. A person who never expresses emotions becomes too reserved. Too much control or too much emoting will both produce problems in adult life.
The child decides that the feelings that accompany the ups and downs of her daily life are not worthwhile. In a child’s logic, if his feelings are not worthwhile, he is not worthwhile.
If this unfeeling pattern repeats itself over and over, the child quickly learns both to suppress the feelings and especially to hide them from his parents.
Even more devastating than being uncaring is responding to a child’s feelings with anger messages, “I don’t want to hear any more bellowing about that stupid fish!” The fear of parents’ reactions to her feelings turns a child into a feeling stuffer.
9.Provide encouragement. Every child needs the kind of support from his loved ones that signals, “I believe in you. I see you trying. Keep going!” Encouragement means acknowledging progress — not just rewarding achievement. It means thanking your child for putting his books away, even if he missed some under her bed.
It means smiling in support as he struggles to use his fork, in spite of the trail of food under his chair. And it means giving a hug for an attempt at singing the “ABC” song, even though he skipped a few letters.
There’s a difference between praise and encouragement. One rewards the task while the other rewards the person (“You did it!” rather than “I’m proud of you!”).
Praise can make a child feel that he’s only “good” if he does something perfectly. Encouragement, on the other hand, acknowledges the effort. “Tell me about your drawing. I see that you like purple” is more helpful than saying, “That’s the most beautiful picture I’ve ever seen.” Too much praise can sap self-esteem because it can create pressure to perform and set up a continual need for approval from others.
So dole out the praise judiciously and offer encouragement liberally; it will help your child grow up to feel good about himself.
10.Succeed-Helping your child develop talents and acquire skills is part of discipline. If you recognize an ability in your child that he doesn’t, encourage him. Strike a balance between pushing and protecting. Both are necessary.
If you don’t encourage your child to try, his skills don’t improve, and you’ve lost a valuable confidence builder. If you don’t protect your child from unrealistic expectations, his sense of competence is threatened.
Children measure their own value by how they perceive others value them. And in our measuring-and-testing society, children’s skills—and therefore their value—are measured relative to others.
Don’t expect your child to excel in sports or music or academics just because you did.
The one thing your child can excel in is being himself. He must know that your love for him does not depend on your approval of his performance. That’s a tough assignment for a parent who may have been raised to perform for love and acceptance.
11.Address your child by Name What’s in a name? The person, the self—little or big. Addressing your child by name, especially when accompanied by eye contact and touch, exudes a “you’re special” message.
Beginning an interaction by using the other person’s name opens doors, breaks barriers, and even softens corrective discipline.
Children learn to associate how you use their name with the message you have and the behavior you expect.
12. Give Your Child Responsibilities Children need jobs. One of the main ways children develop self- confidence and internalize values is through helping maintain the family living area, inside and out. Giving children household duties helps them feel more valuable, besides channeling their energy into desirable behavior and teaching skills.
Try these tips:
Enter the work force early. Beginning around age two, children can do small jobs around the house. To hold a child’s interest, choose tasks the child has already shown an interest in.Starting between ages two and four, a child can learn the concept of responsibility to self and to parents and for his personal belongings. Once he learns a sense of responsibility for these things, a sense of responsibility to society will come naturally in the next stage of development.
Planting a garden teaches children that they reap what they sow.
” Excerpt from a website”